so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
