god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
