So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
