So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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