The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
