Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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