i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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