I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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