So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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