Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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