do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed