if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
