he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
