Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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