there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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