i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
