just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
