i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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