i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
