Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
