I puked a lego.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
