you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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