I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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