you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
