youre lurking in front of me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
