I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
