dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
