I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
