I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
