So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize