I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
