Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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