I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
