Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
