im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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