I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
