I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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