So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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