I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
