Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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