So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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