Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
