Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
