yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
