i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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