If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
