i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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