maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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