yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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