he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
