9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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