I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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