hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
