how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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