I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My pussy is not your playground.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
