I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
