My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
