Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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