Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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