i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
