So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
