I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize