I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
