just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
