It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
