I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
