I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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