when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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