The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
