just come out here and I will go home with you...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
