I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
