Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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